Friday, May 21, 2010

Last summer was my husbands' 65th birthday. WOW! 65, I'm married to a 65 year old man. How did that happen? I'm so young, when did HE get so old? Another thing when did he start looking like his dad? Not just looking like his dad but ACTING like his dad.

Pop would talk non stop for hours and hours. Right through dinner, right through all your favorite TV programs, he would stand outside the bathroom door where you thought you could escape to for a few minutes peace and quiet and long after you went to bed you could hear him in there talking. I guess to the dog. Pop lived to be 93. He worked right up to the week before he died, only the stroke stopped him, but just for a minute. He looked at every new face as an opportunity to tell some stories that everyone else had already heard a thousand times. Doctors and Nurses were fair game and a captive audience.

My husband Jack has not only begun to imitate his father but in so many ways he has become his father. Somewhere between here and there he has come full circle, adoring kid, know it all teen, angry young man, patient middle aged man to an understanding older man. His relationship with his father was so love-hate for so many years. I guess that is the nature of things. In life we seem to love to hate and hate to love through so much of our lives.

My husband Jack wasn't a great dad himself. He loved his kids but just didn't know how to relate to them. Maybe it was because he was the product of much older parents. Born late in their lives his dad was really too old to "grow up" with his kids as most parents do. Perhaps not having a younger dad as a role model didn't provide him with the tools he needed to be a good dad.

Maybe he was so intent on proving what he thought a "man" was that he missed the boat on being just a dad and relaxing in that role. As his kids became older he took his boys hunting and fishing some. It seems they really enjoyed that as they became teens. Being somewhat of a mental teenager himself I believe they had some good times together. But I don't think he really could comprehend what he needed to do to be a father of daughters. Girls were and still are a strange and mysterious although fascinating species to him. He loves his girls deeply but sometimes just doesn't know how to communicate that.

As a younger man Jack was quite charming and very good looking. He attracted women like bees to honey. I can tell you he led me on a merry chase! He was romantic, strong, loving and all the girls! Yes, I fell for it too, like a ton of bricks.

When we decided to get married it was like a command performance. No one believed it would actually happen, least of all me. Right up to the starting of the music I was sure he wouldn't show up. His precious freedom was at stake. But as I saw him waiting for me at the end of the isle and saw the tears in his eyes I knew then that it was forever. Till death do us part. We got married by a friend who was a superior court judge. My only regret now is that back then we were Christians only by definition. We had no prayers , no scriptures, God was not invited to our wedding.

We have had some real ups and downs during the last 25 years. Some deep valleys. I'm surprised we were able to climb out of some of them. I'm still learning things about my husband. The most important thing took me years to figure out, mainly this: A person is the way they are and if you think you can "help" them make some changes for the better, think again. Your time would be better spent in learning how to compromise than how to change.

Now we are Christians and we try, together to do what God would have us do in our relationship. We try to treat each other as commanded. The Bible says, "Husbands love your wives" . It doesn't say for wives to love their husbands...hmmmm. I would think that is because women have the inherit trait to love. If women are loved and treated well they will love and treat well. Women are commanded to "submit to your husbands", hmmmm. Men are raised to work hard, make decisions, provide and protect. If you as a woman do not allow your man to do that which comes as natural instinct, he cannot become the man God wants him to be. This does not mean the woman is the slave to a hard master. A Godly man loves his wife, he wants to have a co-operative and loving union and respects her ideas and suggestions.

So now I see my husband, silver hair, shoulders still strong and wide, always a smile and a joke. He refuses the Senior Discount down at Frank's Diner because somehow that will mean admitting his age. He still sucks in his gut when he see's a pretty girl, which makes me laugh at his vanity. He makes his grandkids laugh at his antics and jokes and I hope he will do the same when his great grandkids are old enough to appreciate him. Yes, he is almost 66...I forget that often. To me, his almost 58 year old wife, he is still the handsomest man I have ever seen.
Lucky Gold Rush Grandma

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